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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a duck and a curling iron? A duck is a carbon-based life form while a curling iron is an inanimate appliance"

"Mr Monster: Oi hurry up with my supper. Mrs Monster: Oh do be quiet I've only got three pairs of hands."

"When I went to church today I farted So I sat in pew"

"I've had a slight accident with your sleigh Father Christmas! Father Christmas: Oh no! That sleigh was in mint condition! That's all right....now it's a mint with a hole!"

"Why does Trump want to build a great wall? China has one and they don't have many Mexicans"

"Nice try, cheese graters, cheese is already great."

"What did Hitler's cat think of the Holocaust? It was purrfect."

"In Scotland we have a saying-""If ye cannae clackit ye widnae brackit."" Nobody knows what the fuck it means."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Ankansas ! Ankansas who ? Ankansas though any piece of wood !"

"So I was outside on the farm yesterday when this cow comes charging at me and attempts to jump over the barbed wire fence... It was an udder disaster."