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Joke of the Day

"I saw a crazy squirrel today.. He was fucking nuts."

"Donald Trump and his followers are buying Macs So they don't have to be PC anymore. *Ba dum tsst"

"Why don't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it's *P* is silent...."

"What did the sunbathing mother say to Michael Jackson as he walked by on the beach? Would you please move? You're in my sun."

"The hot lady across the street had a seizure on her front lawn today. Her MILF shakes brought the paramedics to the yard."

"date: where did u get that, i don't see that on the menu me: (biting into my corn on the cob) i bring my own corn on the cob"

"This 5 year old is taking a call from his secret agent on a calculator and now I hate my phone."

"What do you call a gay with a large asshole and a lesbian with a strap-on? A wife and a husband. (My gay friend told me this joke)."

"Currently the flower business is blooming."

"If optimus prime was a pokemon, what would his most used attacks be? Transform and rollout. (When you tell this to people wait and see if they guess it)"