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Joke of the Day

"The girl next to me is texting her friend about how there's an annoying guy looking at her phone, lemme show her which emojis to use."

"Damn girl, are you french? Cause madayuum"

"It's nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he's getting hit by a train."

"What rhymes and let's you instantly know a redditor is a moron? Purple circle. /r/thebutton"

"I'm 84% less productive in a swivel chair."

"Sending dick pics is for amateurs... Real men get out there and disappoint women in real life."

"There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back home"

"When I drink alcohol, everyone says I'm an alcoholic... But when I drink Fanta, no one says I'm Fantastic."

"[interview] Any questions? ""Why isn't Bigfoot called Bigfeet?"" No about working here ""Oh! If he worked here would you call him Bigfeet?"""

"The only upside to Trump's big wall is that Texas will finally get some of Banksy's Art. Maybe like a little girl and a soldier with a gun"