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Joke of the Day
"My girlfriend calls me the gas station... Because I have 6-10 pumps."
Next Joke
"*Full parking lot* Me: IF THERE IS A GOD, FIND ME A SPOT AND I WILL BECOME RELIGIOUS! *spot opens up* Me: NEVER MIND, I FOUND ONE!"
"One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children"
"I consider myself very decisive.. I guess."
"Michael Rosen walks into a bar... And he just fell over and died."
"What's the difference between a shopping cart and a radical feminist? A shopping cart will, on occasion, exhibit a mind of it's own"
"Irony Is getting pregnant on a pull out couch"
"Give me coffee to change the things i can change and wine to accept the things i can't."
"remember when people would choke on cinnamon to entertain the internet"
"What are the only english words that russian prostitutes can say? Putin"