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Joke of the Day

"Check up I went for a health check-up the other day, the doctor said, 'you've got to stop masturbating' I said, 'Why?' He said, 'Because I'm trying to examine you'."

"Him: Sir, you don't have the experience or fitness to be a fireman. Me: But, I got a mustache! Him: That's cat fur attached with frosting."

"My girlfriend keeps saying that it's not working out. I said, ""well, you haven't gone to the gym for a while, have you?"""

"Q: How many editors does it take to change a light bulb? A: If we change the light bulb we'll have to change everything."

"Do you believe in love at first site? A boy asked a girl: ""Do you believe in love at first site?"". The Girl replied, ""No"". The boy phewed and said: ""We should meet again then"". Ultimate Thug Life."

"Why did the man wear a diaper to the bar? So he could save his stool."

"Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button."

"Did you hear the one about the guy who had to go to the ER with six toy horses in his anus? They listed his condition as stable."

"WIFE: why do we even need a gun in the house ME: *fires off 8 rounds just to kill a spider* that's why"

"WIFE: He makes everything into a wood pun ME: This couch has such great lumber support WIFE: See?? THERAPIST: Try to stop ME: Oakey dokey"