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Joke of the Day

"I never make ""air quotes"" with my fingers when I'm talking, but I do lean to the side & whisper so you sense I'm italicizing."

"She said I'm 'barely tolerable,' which means there's still a chance"

"Anytime my 6 yr old daughter replies with 'What?', there's always that split second where I fight my urge to start quoting Pulp Fiction."

"Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts."

"Jason's wife Liane wanted something that in 6 seconds goes from 0-200.. So he bought her a bathroom scale. You're fat liane, don't sugar coat it. Because you'll just eat that too."

"What do you call porn with thailandese chickens? Hentai. (Hen Thai)"

"All of Jesus' disciples were big and muscular Because Jesus was their whey"

"I would request a last meal of soda and pop rocks so I could die on my own terms."

"I have the Emergency Alert Warning sound set as the ringtone for when my wife calls."

"I hate the Blacks in my neighborhood. Mr. Black is a douche. Mrs. Black is a slut. And the kids are the worst."