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Joke of the Day

"I tried a new shampoo that adds extra volume but I found it too loud."

"My goal weight is to stop hearing 'you have a great personality'"

"Yo mama so hairy You almost died of rug burn when you were born"

"Birdshit Why do birds fly upside down over Australia? Because it's not worth shitting on."

"Hotel porn A father checks into a hotel with his children and whispers to the clerk, ""I hope the porn is disabled."" The clerk replies, ""It's regular porn, you sick fuck."""

"Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad to be alive? I just did and I won't be allowed on this airline again"

"You have the perfect face for radio."

"Why don't they have showers on airplanes? Because of the towel ban."

"The only way I'd be scared of a ghost is if one was coming at me wearing a fitted sheet that I thought I'd have to eventually fold."

"Everyone, meet our new baby, Lucian ""Aww, what a nice name"" It's her dad's, so I picked his middle name ""What is it?"" Theskywithdiamonds"