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Joke of the Day

"My toddler begged to go swimming and then threw a tantrum because she didn't want to get wet in case you were on the fence about having kids"

"Me: Got your nose! Baby: *drags from cig* Let me tell you how this is going down. You give me back my nose & maybe I let u walk out of here."

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me CRUCIO!"

"what do asians do when they have an erection? they vote..."

"Wait, 12 years a slave isn't about marriage?"

"22,110! 22,109! 22,108! 22,107! 22,106! 22,105! 22,104! 22,103! 22,102! 22,101! 22,100! 22,099! 22,098! 22,097! 22,096! 22,095! 22,094!"

"[at my grandmas house] MY GRANDMA (not the grandma whose house we're at but my other grandma): (to my grandma whose house we are at) hey"

"I'd make a wind pun But it blows.."

"How do you keep a fool in suspense... I'll tell you tomorrow."

"Pokemon Go is already more popular than Tinder, another app where you swipe to find monsters in your area."