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Joke of the Day

"Alien: why should I not blow up this planet? Human: we are an advanced species A: how do you travel? H: we light old dinosaurs on fire"

"Q: What did the snowman say to the other snowman? A: ""Do you smell carrot?"""

"Why do Russians have so many bear fighting stories? Because their liquor is strong and their women are hairy."

"When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water."

"Q: How many Vietnam Vets does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: YOU DON'T KNOW, MAN, YOU WEREN'T THERE!!! YOU DON'T KNOW!!!"

"Patient: ""Doctor, my eye hurts when I drink my tea..."" Doctor: ""Well take the spoon out then.."""

"My one night stand is pissed because I broke the other one."

"I remember my first internet boyfriend. I was 13, he was 55. <3"

"I thought of you last night while I was doing the dishes. Dirty right? Yep. That's right. Dishes were totally filthy."

"What did Hillary Clinton do when her email was hacked? She asked Donald Trump to build a firewall."