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Joke of the Day

"My favorite prank phone-call gag when I was a child: Call store, ask, ""Do you have cotton-balls?"" After confirmation that the store has cotton-balls, ""Does it tickle when you walk?"""

"To say Nirvana wasn't the most influential early 90s band would be... A denial, a denial, a denial, a denial..."

"I stay away from granny Smith. She's just too tart for me."

"My moral compass must run on solar power, because it never seems to work after dark."

"God damn it! I said ""glass of juice"" not ""gas the jews"". -Hitler"

"You attract more men when you smell like butter, sauteed ham and onions than any expensive perfume."

"If you like to spoon, you'll love to spatula. That's where I flip you over to make certain you're done properly on both sides."

"What does 9/11 and cancer have in common? They were both inside Jobs"

"The recipe said ""prick with a fork,"" but enough about me."

"Next time you're having a bad day just remember that alligators spend their whole lives looking like they're trying to do a push-up."