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Joke of the Day

"I would've been an actor, but I was afraid of being cast as the idiot that throws his gun when he runs out of bullets."

"A photon walks into a hotel... and the desk clerk says, ""can I help you with your luggage?"" The photon responds, ""no thanks, I'm traveling light."""

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that Subway is healthy."

"Try to eat 70,000 small meals a day to keep your metabolism on its toes."

"So today is International Women's Day It was supposed to be yesterday but they took too long to get ready. ^^stole ^^this ^^from ^^twitter, ^^sorry"

"Just turned off porch light and saw a moth take off flying towards the moon. Good luck buddy, if you make it back, sell the story to Pixar."

"Do you know Forest Gump's Facebook password? 1Forest1"

"I like my women like I like my alcohol..... Rubbing."

"I wonder if Ronald McDonald sadistically cackles as he bludgeons innocent chickens and uses clown magic to turn them into nuggets."

"Men don't ask for driving directions because we just don't want to arrive wherever you're making us go."