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Joke of the Day

"So Porifera are hanging out in the ocean 680 million years ago.. ..when a Ctenophore swims by. One to the other asks, ""What just happened there?"" Buddy says ""Eumetazoa."""

"My new wifi password: Whatsawifi Enter DWMC-esque dude/sweet scene."

"What does a suburban neighbourhood do if there's a blackout? They lock their doors and windows."

"DATING IN THE 1800s 1) Get telegram from Mae 2) Wait to respond. Don't be desperate 3) Get telegram that Mae died of dysentery while waiting"

"What do you call a German think tank? An answer panzer!"

"Yo momma so stupid She went into a round room and tried to take a shit in the corner."

"Daughter: ""I wish you were a better listener."" Me: ""I wish you were more interesting."" Daughter: ""Don't tweet that."" Me: ""I won't."""

"What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year."

"[parole hearing] OFFICER: are u reformed? ME: I O: go on M: I th O: tell us M: I'm O: yes M: can I finish my sentence O: ok parole denied"

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs playing in the leaves? Russell."