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Joke of the Day

"How to calm a crying baby: 1. Pick it up. 2. Ok, so when it turns like 5 you can put it back down. Good luck."

"im a fruad. i wear the wrangler jeans despite never having wrangled a single goddamn thing in my life"

"Before you go to sleep tonight, don't forget to sprinkle gluten around your bed to keep away the hipsters."

"There is a time and place for decaf coffee. (Never and in the trash)"

"What's the difference between an orange? One of them doesn't."

"What's the best thing about a penis? Think long and hard before you answer this one."

"""listen up, I'm only going to show you this once!"" ~ suicide bomber teacher."

"I went to the doctor this morning and I have mono. At my age I think I should have surround sound."

"my wife wouldn't let me wear my pajama jeans to her awards luncheon thing because you can ""see my balls through them"" smh"

"What do you call an Eskimo peeping Tom? Tom tookalook! Went to see my grandma. Dying of cancer but still got a sense of humour!"