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Joke of the Day

"""Do you like Tolstoy?"" ""Of course. Who doesn't?"" ""What's your favourite book?"" ""The one where Woody is kidnapped & Buzz tries to save him""."

"I'm an introverted republican... ...I guess you could call me an anti-socialist."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Chrysalis ! Chrysalis who ? Chrysalis the cake for you !"

"'William I've been told that you have been fighting with the boys next door' said mum. 'yes but they're twins so I wanted some way to tell the apart.'"

"[NSFW] Dad, I am a lesbian 1st Daughter:""Dad, I am a lesbian"" Dad; ""Oh okay!"" 2nd Daughter: ""I'm a lesbian too..."" Dad: ""Jesus Christ, does any one in this family love dicks?"" Son: ""I do."""

"I don't want Harriet Tubman on my $20's I don't want them to be worth 3/5 of their value"

"What did the sea say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved."

"WHY IS IT CALLED ""CAPS LOCK"" AND NOT ""CAPITAL PUNISHMENT"""

"Why is the topmost floor the best place to drink in? That's how you set the bar high."

"I don't have enough confidence in plumbing to get a drink of water from the faucet while the toilet is flushing."