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Joke of the Day

"Slept like a log last night... Woke up in the fireplace. "

"Why do women hate panty lines? Because like, it sucks waiting around for underwear."

"Why was the peanut so salty? Because it got R O A S T E D"

"[pun] I wanted to be a personal trainer... But I was too scrawny and had to hand in my too weak notice. (Credits to Adrian, badass Chef)"

"What do you call two Mexican firefighters? Hose A and Hose B"

"Two atoms are in a bar One says to another: ""I think I've lost an electron today."" The other one replies "" are you sure?"" ""I'm positive!"""

"I bet OJ Simpson's friends were really confused when his answer to F/Marry/Kill was ""Yes."""

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish Highlander? Mick Jagger sings, ""Hey you, get off of my cloud . . "", while the Scottish Highlander yells, ""Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!"""

"PILOT: if you look out the window you'll see we're cruising at 35,000 feet [i look out the window] [THE SKY IS FULL OF FEET JESUS CHRIST]"

"Whenever you're having a bad day, think of the guy who has to put the circus tent back in its bag."