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Joke of the Day

"My sister told me she is going to become fucking rich... I didn't know she wanted to be a porn actress"

"We'd been married for 5yrs before we heard the patter of tiny feet. In time even the kids learned to live with the massive rat infestation"

"I'll never forget my grandad's last words on his deathbed. He said: ""I should never have bought this deathbed. Asking for trouble..."""

"Dying in a tsunami isn't so bad... At least the earth gives you a wave goodbye."

"How do you get an elephant into a Safeway bag? You take the f out of ""safe"" and the f out of ""way""."

"If Thom Yorke and Emily Haines hooked up... ...would it be called radiometric dating?"

"How near was the boy to his dad's tobacco stash before getting busted? Close... but no cigar."

"Parents that tell u ""it's just a little noise"" when their kid cries on a train are the same ones who knock on ur door when the music is loud"

"What do you call people who pretend to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day? Counterfitz"

"An Englishman walks into a bar. There's normally a Scotsman, Welshman and an Irishman too. But they're still at the Rugby World Cup."