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Joke of the Day

"I'll never forget my grandad's last words on his deathbed. He said: ""I should never have bought this deathbed. Asking for trouble..."""

"What sound does a baby make when you put it in a microwave? I don't know....I was too busy masterbating."

"Dad can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please? Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet I remember looking for it when I was a boy!"

"Chuck Norris likes knitting sweaters...... if by knitting you mean kicking and by sweaters you mean babies......"

"[flash mob in front of me & my girl] [I join in then kneel down gasping] ""Will you.."" ""YES!... YE.."" ""grab me a smoothie from Jamba Juice?"""

"The fences at the zoo are to keep the animals safe from Chuck Norris."

"Why Cant Girls Count To 70? .....Because 69 is a mouthful"

"The biggest joke of 2015.. When you have Donald Trump, Hilary Clinton, and Deez Nuts running for President."

"ME: ""I'll have a rum & coke."" HIM: ""I can't serve you."" ME: ""Because I'm too drunk?"" HIM: ""No. 'cause this is a hardware store."""

"I tried to find out why my cat kept licking itself... turns out its actually quite tasty."