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Joke of the Day

"Ellen Pao couldn't become a Miss America, so instead she became a Miss Ogynist."

"Don't ever compete against Heinz... You're always going to play catch up."

"What do you call a camel with no humps? Humpfree! :P"

"Why can't Atheist solve exponential equations? Because they don't believe in higher powers"

"How do you catch a unique rabbit? *unique* up on it!"

"It's not a ""junk drawer,"" it's a free-spirited drawer without expectations or limits."

"Accidentally picked up two traffic cones instead of my children again"

"A guy walks into a bar and asks the guy across from him why his hands were all over his face: The guy across replies: ""Because I am a clock you drunk fuck."""

"A good thing about being single is I don't have to worry about anyone flushing while I shower. Or caring that I exist or whatever."

"Me: your freezer went out I had to eat all the ice cream sandwiches Friend: it looks like someone kicked the outlet back into the drywall"