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Joke of the Day

"My home security system is a nerf sword by the door. My liquor cabinet has a retina scanner, 3 pit bulls & my 7th grade lesbian gym teacher."

"She was a fax machine She kept her modem clean She was the best damn printer that I've ever seen"

"You know what's the problem with Mexican and black jokes? If you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamaal."

"What is the difference between Donald Trump and Bill Clinton? Ivanka didn't keep the dress"

"*buys extra movie ticket seat so I'll have a place to put my microwave bc I'll be damned if I'm paying that much for popcorn"

"What's the most annoying joke in the world?"

"No more ""if you're bf stops playing his game to text you..."" If your girlfriend understands to give texting a rest when you're playing video games, marry her."

"Latest news from the FIFA corruption scandal: Shock announcement from FIFA's Ethics Committee: ""FIFA has an Ethics Committee"""

"Did you hear about the man that slept on corduroy pillow? No? I'm surprised, it made headlines!"

"I forgot I had an ambien in my back pocket Now my ass is asleep"