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Joke of the Day

"Murphy's wife told him he should put a pair of clean socks on every day. By Friday he couldn't get his boots on."

"Did you hear about the car with wooden wheels, a wooden engine, and wooden doors? It wooden start"

"Life is like a box of chocolates It doesn't last long if you're fat."

"My wife just told me to go to hell, anyone else need anything from Walmart?"

"Fact: A lot of women turn into good drivers. Lesson: If you're a good driver, watch out for women who are turning."

"[first date] Me: *sees he owns a cat* Him: Are you a cat or a dog person? Me: *maintains eye contact* *pushes cat off the table* *leaves*"

"Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow."

"I keep seeing yards with signs supporting Trump But I don't see any walls around them."

"Does Batman make this look bad? [http://i.imgur.com/aNurRdN.jpg](http://i.imgur.com/aNurRdN.jpg) I personally think it's funny, but it is pretty fucked up."

"This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be."