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Joke of the Day

"Facebook definitely needs to change their name. Pretty sure books aren't supposed to make you dumber."

"The dishwasher is making a strange noise. Probably because she's outside shoveling the driveway."

"A big girl once came up to me and said ""I think you're fatist."" I said ""No. I think you're fattest."""

"What was the last thing that went through the hostages head? A bullet."

"What if Titanic was real and not just a movie? Crazy to think about"

"Twitter is the new flypaper."

"Waiter there is a bee in my alphabet soup ! Yes sir and I'm sure there is an A C and all the other letters too !"

"Why do elephants prefer peanuts to caviar? Because they're easier to get at the ballpark."

"If you tell me you're a fan of One Direction, please clarify if you're referring to the boy band or Kim/Kanye's baby."

"Birdhood A single shot film with no cuts and a running time of 12 years."