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Joke of the Day

"When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive."

"Just saw that I have one unheard message and I didn't even see my phone ring. I hope it's not: a) Work related b) Mel Gibson"

"My surgeon friend that specialized in Augmentation Mammaplasty just died. I regret not being there the moment he took his last breast."

"Why did Elton John's trucking company only work weekends? Because Saturday nights alright for freighting."

"If our body is made of cells, what's a picture made of? Pixels."

"Why did the tractor trailer mechanic always have half an erection? Because he was constantly nursing a semi."

"Well Officer..we didn't have a bottle so that dead guy over there.. ""Him?"" No the other dead guy..suggested ""Spin The .44""..And I WON!"

"I put the p in pants."

"The secret to my success lies with you having a poor grasp on it's definition."

"Scissors [to Rock]: So you beat me & I beat Paper but how does Paper beat you? [cut to Paper meeting a hitman] Make it look like an accident"