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Joke of the Day

"I try to buy American, but I just can't find a good domestic finger trap."

"I haven't slept in days I've been sleeping at night."

"What do porn movies and disney movies have in common? Happy endings."

"Feminists I'm not sure if this is a repost, but here it goes. Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Trick question, feminists can't change anything."

"Did you hear about the blonde who was a really good cook? She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece!"

"How many tumblr users does it take to change a lightbulb? Light is triggering, shitlord. DOWN WITH THE BULBTRIARCHY"

"If youre giving mouth-to-mouth, and you don't want to get germs, you can put a harmonica between your lips and the victim's"

"I'm abandoning Obamacare for Bidencare. Everyone gets a sixer of Natty Light, 2 copies of Hustler from 1978 and a VHS copy of Caddyshack."

"The lesbian couple next door got me a Rolex for my birthday... I think they misheard me when I said ""I wanna watch"""

"A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Still unsure as to whether or not that full stop adds to humorous effect."