142008

Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend broke up with me. I am devastated. How could you. I did everything. I surprised you with burgers every night"

"Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5, and 6 come out before 1, 2 and 3 Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was."

"I've been trying to find my girlfriend's killer for the last month. Nobody's agreeing to do it."

"Me and my bed are in a committed relationship, I think my alarm clock is just jealous of our love."

"""You take pills because you're crazy"" ""No MOM, I take pills because they make me tolerant of crazy people that don't take pills"""

"A terrorist made a post on reddit... Then he said ""Well, I'm gonna see how's that gonna blow up in a few hours"""

"Why did lebron change his name to ebron Because the cavaliers toke the L"

"I slashed my Postal Delivery Driver's tires today I wanted to be sure *all* of my last minute packages had flat rate shipping."

"Went out to dinner last night & the hostess asked me ""Where would you like to sit?"" I replied ""preferably on a seat."" #accomplished"

"Why doesn't barbie have any kids?"