141963

Joke of the Day

"I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he's a compulsive liar, but I don't believe him."

"I reply to ""Happy New Year"" with ""not if I have anything to do with it."""

"Most black 15-year-olds are decent law-abiding citizens. It's their kids that cause all the trouble."

"Why did the scarecrow win the award? Because he was outstanding in his field"

"Russian Standard is a vodka and American Standard is a toilet. Russians are all drunks and Americans are all full of shit."

"Walmart has an alarming amount of security camera video with me humping stuff with a swimming pool noodle."

"What do you call a group of babies? an Infantry"

"What would aliens say if told that Earthlings shift clocks by an hour to fool themselves into thinking there's more sunlight"

"Hilary clinton joke Friend:What are you going to the party as Me:Hilary Friend:why Me:Aren't you supposed to be something scary Friend: ;-;"

"What's the difference between a pizza and a baby I won't rape the pizza before I put it in the oven"