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Joke of the Day

"What is a sheep with no legs? A Cloud."

"bicycle cop: im taking you to jail me [sarcastic voice]: should i ride on your pegs or walk next to you [segway cop just dying laughing]"

"What wine pairs best with this bomb-ass Nokia ringtone"

"Wishing for bad shit to happen to people you hate is so wrong. You gotta be way more proactive than that."

"Where did the meteorologist stop for a drink on the way home from a long day in the studio? The nearest ISOBAR!!"

"Why was the Redditor mad at Reddit? Because it made her wait seven minutes before posting something."

"I used to crush cans for a living, didn't like it though... It was soda pressing."

"Wife: ""Notice anything?"" Me: ""Is it your hair, shoes, dress, eyelashes, mascara, lipstick, or nails?"" Wife: ""You forgot to wear pants."""

"If you want to drink and drive you better bring enough for the whole highway."

"I was worried that Tim Kaine was too boring and then I remembered entertainment is what got us into this mess."