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Joke of the Day

"I'm not sure Donald Trump is qualified to sit in an exit row on a plane"

"Say what you want about pedophiles... ...at least they don't speed in school zones."

"People ask me where I see myself in 5 years. I don't know. I don't have 2020 vision."

"How many IT guys does it take to change a light bulb? No IT guys change light bulbs, they just keep flicking the switch on and off again until something happens."

"What do you get when you throw a bomb in a French bathroom? Linoleum Blown-apart"

"I used to be in a band called The Prevention... We were better than the Cure."

"Wore my hair in a ponytail to Walmart and 4 people asked me to defend them in Drug Possession Cases. Court starts Monday."

"I had sex with a prostitute the other night... It turned out to be a rash decision."

"A lime and banana decided to become a stand-up comedy duo and called themselves ... Key and Peele."

"My girlfriend didn't believe me when I said I could build a car out of spaghetti. You should've seen her face when I drove pasta!"