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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy who was caught hiding illegal immigrants in Prague? He got prison for caching false Czechs."

"No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers."

"I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it. I returned it. Now where to spend my $608?"

"""You know what would make this rice even better? Racism."" - Pitch meeting for Uncle Ben's"

"My ear is bleeding because I tried to shave it. Now I have to create some elaborate lie to tell ppl how I cut my ear."

"What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste"

"If I'm old enough to be your mother we can't date. Just kidding. Go ask for your allowance and buy me a drink."

"gonna name my first born Horse_ebooks"

"Why wouldn't the sow let her piglets play with toads? She didn't want them to grow into wart hogs."

"Took a career aptitude test. My results: sports team mascot, bridge troll, sign twirler, petting zoo shit shoveler"