14167

Joke of the Day

"A musician always closed his eyes when he sang. When asked, he replied, ""I can't bear to see people suffering."""

"[buying treadmill] Me: Can I try it out first? Salesperson: Sure Me: (pulls out laundry basket and hangs wet clothes on it) I like it."

"Why can you never trust a clumsy barista? Because she's always spilling the beans!"

"[Whole Foods] Woman: MY COCONUT WATER BROKE! *I drive her to the hospital and she names her first coconut after me*"

"Did you hear about the idiot who invented the one-piece jigsaw puzzle?"

"What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A Thesaurus."

"What did Santa Claus say to his wife after he watched the weather report? It's going to rain dear. ^Yeah ^I'm ^sorry ^its ^late ^guys."

"If I learned anything about politics from this election It's that politics isn't about the ass you kiss but the pussy you grab"

"What did the fish say when it swam into the wall? Damn!"

"The US Census Bureau is known for kicking ass And taking names."