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Joke of the Day

"There is a mile long line of cars stopped ahead, but go ahead and honk at the guy in front of you. It might help."

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"[arguing with my wife] WELL AT LEAST I DON'T BRING UP THINGS FROM THE PAST LIKE YOU DID LAST MONTH"
"It cost me $14,000 and took 3 years, but I finally pulled off legally changing my friend's baby's name without him knowing. I LOVE PRANKS!!!"
"My daughter is at that age where she has started asking awkward questions about sex... Like, ""Is that all you fucking got?"""
"""Are you there, God? It's me, well, you've probably never heard of me cuz I'm like really underground & shit."" -- Hipster prayer"
"Tiger, Lance and Tom walk into a cold bar... ""Heaters,"" the bartender cries in frustration, ""I told him to send me heaters!"""
"Why do cows wear bells? Their horns don't work."
"What do you call a shop that sells aquatic vessels? A boat-ique. ...I'll get my coat."
"7 dwarves were in a room and they started feeling sleepy. So he left."
"Know any good white people jokes?"