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Joke of the Day

"i drive the golf carts in gta most because i was never allowed to in real life. i also stab chairs because im not allowed to do that either"

"I'd like to thank automatic flushing toilets For making people think I'm giving them 2 or 3 courtesy flushes"

"Did you hear that the BBC have sacked Bob the Builder? They feel they can no longer trust a children's TV star who claims to be able to 'fix it'"

"How do you know when your wife is having an orgasm? when you come home from work and see my car in your driveway....."

"My doctor told me I have ADHD ... He said, ADHD is a condition that can affect children and adults that is characterized by problems ... blah, blah, blah, blah .. I did not listen to the rest."

"Her: What brings you to speed dating? Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me."

"After an argument with my boss, I decided to leave my job at the helium factory. I don't like to be spoken to in that tone of voice."

"Yo Mama is so fat...when she took her shirt off at the strip clubeveryone thought she was Jabba The Hut from Star Wars"

"A depressed French baker sobs bitterly into the dough... His life is pain."

"""Did you sign the nondisclosure agreement?"" ""To not disclose what?"" ""So I guess you DID sign the agreement!"""