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Joke of the Day

"What is green and has four wheels? Grass; I lied about the wheels."

"Did you here about the guy who's whole left side was cut off? He's all right now."

"""I OBJECT!!!"" The defendant screams in court. The judge gives him a very emotional hug and says ""no... you human""."

"Why is [friend's name] always on the bottom? Because they won't stop fucking up"

"Why did the snowman leave his wife? Because she got plowed by another man."

"Just got an email from a necrophiliac wishing me dead. Hey, thanks for the compliment!"

"What does Rupert the Bear and Jack the Ripper have in common? Same middle name!"

"Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama? Otherwise it would have been called a teethbrush."

"In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering ""I don't know how you eat that shit""."

"On a scale of one to ten... ...you aren't getting a helpful measurement of your weight"