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Joke of the Day

"""What's a VCR?"" My 10yo instantly making me feel like the oldest person who has ever lived. I need calcium chews for my brittle bones."

"Whag did one cat say to the other? Meow"

"Hey plastic surgeons, breast implants with squeaker toys in em. Get on that"

"What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking after a house fire :)."

"Wife:What is 10 years with me? Wife:What is 10 years with me? Husband:A second. Wife:What is $1000 for me? Husband:A coin. Wife: Ok give me a coin. Husband:Wait a second"

"Why do women wear white on their wedding day? All good kitchen appliances come in white. (Don't hurt me)"

"I went outside without makeup on. A child cried and I think a bird flew into a window on purpose."

"What do you call a snake that works in the government? A civil serpent"

"What does the day of election and Taco Tuesday have in common? So much shit is going down today."

"Jew joke Why are Jewish men circumcised? Their women won't touch anything that's not 20% off"