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Joke of the Day

"I tried publishing my novel... in which I stress the danger of global warming by describing my experience battling encroaching fire ant colonies. Every publisher called it ant-I-climatic."

"I met a hot girl. We had dinner yesterday. At least I'm assuming she had dinner."

"Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I'm now completely lost & 90 miles away from home."

"perfect vision Whenever someone asks me what I plan on doing in five years I always get frustrated. Like c'mon guys I don't have 2020 vision."

"Tip: if you often say things like ""there is no i in team but there *is* one in incompetence"" they won't ask you to mentor new coworkers."

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other is busty crustacean"

"What did the dyslexic traveller say when he arrived at an unknown station? Whoops, wrong sub."

"How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know I keep throwing them it just doesn't change."

"My obsession with building townhouses is going to give me a complex one of these days."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping? he woke up"