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Joke of the Day

"[pours a bag of sugar over a tire fire] hmmm [tastes remnants] i think i'll call it... Twizzlers"

"What's the best part about having a hooker die on you? The second hour is free."

"I asked Siri "" surely it isn't going to rain tomorrow"" and he replied "" yes it is, and don't call me Shirley""...turns out I left airplane mode on"

"How do you know Jesus is okay with gays? Because he had two dads"

"Eighty seven percent of single people are single because they don't want to share their pizza with anyone."

"What kind of medicine do Ants use when they have eye problems? Ant-Eye Biotics (Dad joke, I know)"

"I'm going to major in Philosophy when I go to college... ...so one day I can ask '*Why* do you want fries with that?'"

"A joke my grandfather told me about insecurity Never mind, it's stupid"

"I like guys marrying my sister like I like my pinata coladas Full of rum! (Currently attempting to write a best man speech for my soon to be brother in law)"

"Turns out, humans aren't the only ones who have trouble with homonyms. My dog keeps saying ""rough"" instead of ""ruff""."