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Joke of the Day

"Don't keep grudges, let everything aside and give a good hug to your enemies!!! ...when you are really sick"

"Me: I get most of my tweeting material from you son. 9: I'm glad I expire you. Me: See what I mean."

"What's the difference between Caitlyn Jenner and a 6 year old pretending to be a T-Rex? The 6 year old never killed anyone with a car"

"[bursts into garage] ""why is your car still on? you've been in here for 3 days"" i'm trying to kill myself ""but you drive an electric car"""

"5-year-old: Dad! Dad! My sister- Me: Stop tattling. I don't want to hear about it unless there's blood. 5: Me: 5: How much blood?"

"What's the difference between Reddit and Facebook? About a day"

"My friend's offering to pay for a trip to NY to be her +1 for a wedding. She's probably going to drug me & sell my organs. *agrees to go :)"

"Call of Duty is the most environmentally friendly video game franchise. ... because each game is made from 90% recycled material."

"What do you call a barn full of black people? Antique farm equipment. What do you call a barn full of Mexicans? Updated farm equipment"

"[job interview] ""Have any questions?"" Think the 3 Little Pigs hired the Big Bad Wolf to blow their houses down to collect insurance money?"