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Joke of the Day
"Passionate kiss is like spider web leads to undoing of fly."
Next Joke
"What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne waits until puberty to come on a kid's face."
"I hate when I wake up at night, look at the clock and go right back to sleep. Essentially my body is just waking me up to do math."
"""Your present is too big and weirdly shaped to wrap. Oh! What if I buried it in the yard?!"" -me, genuinely, earlier today. Wife said no."
"Reminder: Please just hit the ""RT"" button on my tweets if you're ugly. Don't want people associating your busted face with my art."
"What do you call fake soup? Pho Soup"
"What happened to sneaking out and getting drunk in the woods? Teenagers these days be all ""I hate you mom I'm joining ISIS."""
"Sharks could be very gentle lovers. We don't know."
"I went outside once.... The graphics were great! But the storyline sucked!!!!!"
"Positive people are less of a person They are missing electrons."