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Joke of the Day

"So I've decided that my Wi-Fi will be my valentine. Idk, we just have this connection."

"I met a girl who said she orgasmed every time she sneezed I asked her what she took for that. She said usually pollen or ragweed"

"If you have a shitty job, you probably shouldn't lick your fingers at lunch time."

"How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw in the bulb and the other to hold the penis..*ER..LADDER! I MEANT LADDER!*"

"I was going down on my grandmother the other day... When I tasted horse semen, and I thought ""huh, that must be how she died."""

"Trying to talk sense into a racist... Is like trying to beat a Jew at hide and seek."

"Your momma is so old.... she used to get off on fifty slates of grey"

"I want a kiss cam at my funeral"

"Three tampons are walking down the road. What one says hi? **None!** Their all *stuck up bitches!*"

"Me: Who could that be? It's 2:00 in the morning. Her: I don't know. Do burglars knock? Me: It depends on how they were raised..."