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Joke of the Day

"I own a Driver-less car. Yup, it's sitting parked on my driveway right now."

"I never ask anyone, ""what kind of dog is that?"" because they'll tell you. God will they tell you."

"What does a Bills fan do when they win the superbowl? He turns off his xbox."

"A boyfriend says to his girlfriend, ""Baby, you're kind of like Charles Barkley..."" ""...You've been on the team for so long and you're still not getting a ring! Happy Valentines day!"""

"Life would be simpler if you were notified when you were added to lists IRL. ""Your crush"" has added you to list ""Friend Zone""."

"Two atoms walking down the street ... ... one turns to the other and says ""I think I've lost an electron"". The other replies ""F*ck me, a talking atom!"""

"ME: I hate the Kentucky Derby. You get all dressed up and excited and the whole thing only lasts 15 seconds WIFE: Oh is that right"

"My friend got drunk and thinks he had sex with a prostitute... At first he wasn't sure, but then he was *positive*."

"*phone rings* SATAN: Hey I bought your soul on Craigslist last week? ME: No returns SATAN: Please. It's making me sad"

"""I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others""- The phrase that started Facebook."