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Joke of the Day

"John, you should stay away from drugs - Why Mark? I never take drugs. - I say stay away!! Or the drugs will fall from the table!!"

"When you say, ""9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans,"" all I hear is, ""There's a bear out there who knows how to use matches."""

"What kind of blowjob does a screwdriver give? Flathead"

"it's gotta be as much fun for a slinky to go down an escalator as it is for a human to walk on a treadmill"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? He needed to get that high score"

"A peeping tom fell out if a tree, where did he end up? In the ICU"

"[Donald Trump's election speech] ""America, I have only 1 thing to say"" *pulls off wig & mask revealing Ashton Kutcher* ""YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D"""

"One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you."

"Why did Snake walk into the bar? Because he wears an eyepatch and has poor depth perception."

"I'm planning on opening a store that sells string instruments for children. I'm calling it 'Kiddie Fiddlers'."