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Joke of the Day

"Two Scottish guys are playing with a potato launcher. One guy accidentally fires at his friend's crotch. His friend falls to the ground and screams, ""MY BANGERS ARE MASHED!"""

"I have a serious self-loathing problem! Trust me to say that..."

"[1st date] Her: we should keep religion out of this *religion gets up & leaves the table* Me: see what u did? *I get up and chase after it*"

"It's a SHOT in the dark, but you might find this funny. Why did the bros take a shot of alcohol together? Because if one bro takes a shot, the other takes a slug! #Bromanceforlife #Dietogether"

"Somebody told me that rum and coke wasn't the answer to my problems. I told them that it might not be the answer, but it was certainly a solution."

"What's better than roses on the piano ? Tulips on the organ."

"Why are all the users of Ashley Madison worried about their emails leaking? They will be millionaires when the Nigerian princes finish downloading the file."

"Friend from out of town asked if he could crash on my couch. Had to explain to him that I'm married now, so that's where I sleep."

"Ever blow bubbles as a kid? He's back in town and wants you to give him a call."

"This one time, I got kicked out of the audience of ""Cats"" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer."