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Joke of the Day

"Standup comedian It gets up in public, at public places; thus making me awkward, and the passersby laugh. My dick is a great standup comedian."

"Why did the hipster decide to drown himself in the tributary? He didn't want to be mainstream."

"How are Pornstars paid? Income"

"Edited from my mistake earlier today: what do paedophiles and napalm have in common? They can both strip a Vietnamese orphan in under 30 seconds."

"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches."

"I couldn't afford a vacation in Mexico, so I watched the Spanish channel all day and ate some undercooked chicken."

"If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that shit means but at least they're not talking to you anymore"

"What do my girlfriend and Jesus have in common? Not sure if either of them came once, but I know they haven't come a second time."

"[park] STRANGER: Your dog is unusual looking ME: Yeah, he's interbred DUCK: [waddles up] I'll tell you who else is into bread"

"Common courtesy: don't bring McDonalds French fries on the plane unless you bring enough for everybody."