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Joke of the Day

"Got so drunk last week that I married a thermostat Talk about turning the heat up on a relationship."

"Me to 2yo: Hey bud, what are you having for breakfast? Sausage? Eggs? Hash browns? Oh... 8 forkfulls of ketchup? Good job!"

"I keep thinking diarrhoea is part of the family history. Because it's in my genes."

"Q: Why was the chicken happy? A: Everything was eggcellent."

"Patient: Doctor every night i see ants playing football Doctor: It's okay take these pills Patient: No way tomorrow is the final"

"I told my son I'm a motherfucker...... He was like. ""You fuck mothers...... lesbo."" I replied. "" Ain't a lesbo if it's myself."""

"Writing a book titled ""Understanding women"". The first page will have a real knife & the rest will show you different ways to kill yourself."

"Dictators make great rulers... if you make a bunch of one centimeter marks on them while they're asleep."

"So I heard my gf fart for the first time...she denied it But I had already decided earlier, I'd never argue with my imaginary gf."

"I can't believe it's 2012 and street signals are still only telling white people to cross"