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Joke of the Day

"A thief stole a toilet from the police station. At this point they have nothing to go on."

"Winnie the Pooh band-aids may look cute but are useless on stab wounds."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it."

"Don't forget to put everybody before her so she has no clue whether you really give a shit or not"

"Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I'd take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend."

"I went to the zoo the other day... The only animal they had was a small dog. It was a shih tzu"

"The scariest sound is an unknown crash followed by my 9 year old yelling ""It's OK! There's nothing wrong! You don't need to come up here"""

"Someone at the men's outfitter just called me 'MISS' on the phone... ... ehh at least I don't sound married!"

"Harry Potter fans: I wanna go to Hogwarts. Narnia fans: I wanna go to Narnia. Hunger Games fans: Nope I'm good.."

"White girls spend 15% of their lives thinking about cutting bangs."