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Joke of the Day

"Winnie the Pooh band-aids may look cute but are useless on stab wounds."

"Every so often I'll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking."

"Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture."

"My kids never finish their dinner because they're saving room for bath water."

"Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? He said ''So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses!"

"Why do you get when you cross a Rhino with a Panzer tank? A bloody mess"

"What's black, white, and red all over and can't turn around in a narrow hallway? A nun with a spear through her head."

"Her: I'd take a bullet for you. Me: How soon can you do that?"

"Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team? Because all the ones that can run, jump and swim are already in America."

"What do they eat on the set of a chick flick? Romcomnoms"