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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about angle 57.29 He's rad"

"My new coloring book, How To Tell The Woman You Love You've Been Living In Her Shrubs For A Year, comes out on tUESsdhay martha i love you"

"What is a better name for cows? Lawn mooers! My 12 year old sister made this up... She out dad joked me..and I'm a dad!"

"If I'm guilty of anything it's that I care too much, that and murder"

"BOUNCER: Sorry, buddy - planets only. PLUTO: I'm on the list. BOUNCER: Nope. *Jurassic World walks in* PLUTO: Oh you cannot be serious."

"What symphony is a pedophiles favorite? Mozarts' Flute in A minor"

"What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car in front of an abortion clinic? Going in to ask for a coat hanger"

"What is a blonde's favorite fairy tale? Humpme Dumpme!"

"What's the difference between a zoo in Louisiana and a zoo anywhere else? In Louisiana, next to the plaque with the animal's name, they've got a good recipe."

"God was truly looking out for me today I opened a bag of air and found a few Lay's potato chips inside."