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Joke of the Day
"I'm back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here."
Next Joke
"5 y.o.: Why do people congratulate you when Mom is the one making the baby? Me: I helped 5: How? Me: 5: Me: I read her the instructions"
"You know, gas prices really aren't that bad when you consider that you're essentially buying dinosaurs in liquid form."
"What's the definition of a nervous breakdown ? A chameleon on a tartan rug !"
"What did the green grape say to the purple grape? ""BREATHE DAMMIT!!"""
"Just bought a new disposable razor. Or a spaceship."
"my parents met on reddit im the joke"
"If you put your ear up to a vagina... you can smell the ocean."
"You should argue with your wife only when she's not around."
"""Your resume says weaknesses: hide & seek"" Yeah ""Can you demonstrate?"" Sure, count to 10 *Counts to 10 & opens eyes* *I'm literally on fire*"