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Joke of the Day

"Become a PhD After many years of studying at a university, I've finally become a PhD... or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it."

"''You will die alone.'' I hate fortune cookies. Wait! This is a note from my mom!"

"Why do black people only have nightmares? Because the first one that had a dream got shot."

"History: delete Pics: delete Texts: delete Kik: delete ""Why yes, you can use my phone for a second."""

"If you cut down a hundred trees, you are not a lumberjack. But if you suck one dick, you are a cocksucker."

"*Buying flowers* Sales girl: Would you like the receipt? Me: Sure! If they don't work, I'll be bringing them back."

"Wife: He makes puns all the time Therapist: You should punish him Husband: But every punishment to be different"

"The good news is I'm pretty much who I say I am. The bad news is I'm pretty much who I say I am."

"Just looked at the bottom of this can of whoopass. It's expired."

"What's the difference between your mom and my mom? Your mom still sucks my dad's dick"