139445

Joke of the Day

"The closest I've ever come to eating better is eating butter."

"I've accepted that my brother is never paying back that money I loaned him... I've lost interest, and I'm just giving up on the principal."

"Did you hear about the gay football coach? He turns tight ends into wide receivers"

"Why do doctor's offices take your blood pressure AFTER weighing you? Of course it's going to be high then."

"In a group friends when you laugh you will always look at the person you like the most... Thats why I always sit next to a mirror."

"Why did the woman fall in love with the surgeon? Because he cauterize."

"I went into Whole Foods tonight and yelled, ""Somebody's Labradoodle just jumped out of a parked Subaru!"" and everyone ran out."

"What's worse than finding half a worm in an apple? Finding a vein in a hot dog."

"Where did the English teacher and the student fight? in the MLA boxing ring"

"what is it called when a redditor has a threesome? using both hands"