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Joke of the Day

"Why do doctor's offices take your blood pressure AFTER weighing you? Of course it's going to be high then."

"When I grow up I want to be a fire truck... I want to be big, red and have 8 men in me at once"

"ME: [in santa costume, covered in chimney soot] that was hard. how does santa do it WIFE: well santas not real, hun ME: [drops cookie] WHAT"

"Have you heard about these new Oak woord, gold-finished coffins? Apparently they're to die for."

"I served 2 years in Iraq Until they shut down the restaurant"

"Why was 9 afraid of 20? 28 29's"

"Tip: ""Montreal"" is short for ""Monsters Are Real."" The city was originally given this name due to its abundance of monsters."

"Jokes to Cheer someone up Okay, my best friend is feeling down, and I want to help cheer her up. Give me your best jokes for the occasion!"

"What's the best way to turn a pussy into a dick? Give it a badge."

"A woman is like a shadow: when you walk from behind she runs away. When you run from her follows you behind."